expounding

ok so last night's post was written hastily. i was just so excited because my new adventure to NYC had just become official, so I had to write. let me expound for those of you wanting more details.

about a week ago i was joking with my bestie kristy, and said "kristy I should just come live with you in new york for a while." she said, "i think that's a great idea, I can even give you a job for 5 weeks." i thought she was joking...she was not.

so now i'm moving in with kristy and her sweet roomies from january 17- march 3. kristy's boss is going to be out of town for those 6 weeks and they need some extra help while he is gone. some extra help full time. 2 mormon girls taking over the lutheran church in nyc...huzzah! yes, she works at a beautiful lutheran church. i could literally pee my pants from excitement about the whole thing.

as for the job in utah, i'll be working for an entrepreneurial guy who runs one main company but is involved with a bunch of different ones - so I can't say i'm actually working just for one of them. but i'll be doing calendaring, bookkeeping, sales, research, phones, etc. etc. etc. salary. benefits. awesomeness. except it's in provo, but i'll survive. i'll be in living in draper or sandy probably. so commuting is not fun, but only 20-30 minutes from draper to provo, which is what i drove in california everyday, so i'm accustomed.

now on my list of things to do...

buy plane ticket to NYC. rad.
continue to work out everyday.
continue to eat green smoothies everyday.

make the ultimate list of things to do and see while in NYC. suggestions welcomed.

live in the joy.

2012 - The New Old Me

This is it. 2012 is the year I reclaim me, reclaim my life, reclaim control. 2011 Was a rough year, for me personally and for my family. Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty great, but also pretty tough. And surely 2012 will present its challenges, as that is the usual course of life, but mostly, it’s looking pretty darn fantastic.

This year I will take care of myself physically for the first time in years. I will get back in shape and be sexy. My boobs will get smaller. My muscles will get bigger and my fat will get smaller. I will eat better. I have posted old pictures of myself when I was skinnier and healthier all over to motivate me. And I might be posting a couple pics of motivating men that I’d love to date to keep me going too.

I’m moving to NYC in a couple weeks, for only 6 weeks for a temporary job. I’m going to live with one of my best friends, Kristy. We will work by day and party by night. Sleep is optional for those coming 6 weeks. I will experience as much of NYC as I can in those short 6 weeks. I will chase a handsome man who also happens to live in NYC, not that anything will happen, but I will make sure we definitely spend some time together.

Then I’ll come back to Utah and start my new job. Salaried job. Benefits. Awesome. And they’re gonna wait for me to get back from NYC. My new employer thought it was a great idea and that I should go and when will I be able to go do that ever again with such perfect timing? I agreed. I like him already, and I think I’m going to like working for him, even though it’s in Provo. Ugh. But still great.

Also, my girl Miriam who I’ll be moving in with in Utah once I get back from NYC, just found out that her old contract doesn’t end until the end of February…which we thought was actually end of January so we were going to get a place February 1^st…man does Heavenly Father make things work out or what? Miriam helped me remember this week that Satan wants us to be miserable. I think I had honestly forgotten that, or at least not consciously thought about it in a long time. He doesn’t want us to be happy. He doesn’t want things to work out for us. But the Lord does. And the Lord makes it happen. So cool. I love it.

Yeah, so, I have a bunch of other goals for the year, but I just wanted to give you a quick rundown and update cuz it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Thanks for listening.

Happy New Year. May your 2012 be all you dream. 

it's official

i'm a utahn again...i drove back to utah yesterday with my amazing madre. yes, she flew out to california, i picked her up at the airport, and we drove straight back to utah. she is a rock star. i've driven between california and utah dozens of times by myself. but i'm glad my mom came out and drove it with me. it was soooo nice to have some serious quality mother-daughter time. and super great because we switched off driving, and i got to take a little nap which i really needed after the past few weeks of not enough sleep, too much stress, packing, cleaning, etc. again, i repeat, my mother is a rockstar. i loved it.

and, she got super excited when we saw a billboard for steak n shake...a midwest/east coast burger joint that my mom LOVES. we waited and extra 2 hours for lunch until we got to vegas so we could eat there. i'm pretty sure she felt like her $95 flight to SoCal and a 10 hour drive was totally worth it just so we could eat at the unknown steak n shake in vegas. it was yummy.

and i live in utah now. weird. it's still a little surreal. sorta just feels like i'm home for christmas break or something. but no. it's official. i am still on the apartment hunt with miriam. did i ever mention that? miriam. freaking. rasmussen. is going to be my roommate again. i couldn't be happier about this. it also makes the blow of moving to utah a little softer. we were roomies at BYU and then she "moved" to california with me this past summer....ok not really moved, but she came and stayed with me for a month. so it was more of a month long vacation of heaven. and it just so happens that her current lease is up at the end of january-ish. so we're gonna find our own place together. so nice to not have to worry about moving in with random people and getting stuck. granted, i'd much prefer getting married and living with a man, but miriam dear, you're the very next best thing.  ;)

i saw an old friend today whilst out running errands. she hugged me and said "it's so good to have you home," as if I'd just taken a long trip or something. california was home, is home. i loved it. now utah is home, FOR NOW. i can't live here forever - fact. especially after leaving. reality is so different here. i literally shiver inside just thinking about the culture and the psychosis. don't get me wrong. I also truthfully acknowledge that there are good people everywhere, despite a weird culture. and that's what's most important i guess. i just have to keep it in mind on a daily basis, especially at church on sundays.

oh and technology hates me today. actually, i just repel technology for the most part. my laptop battery hasn't been holding a charge, and my cell phone is completely different story. i could write a list of 30 things wrong with my phone. but of course when I took it into the Sprint store today to get it fixed, they said "we can't get it to mimic any of the things you say is wrong with it," and sent me on my way. the only good thing they did was FINALLY give me a new battery, free of charge. my phone has been dying in like 4 hours or less, after being fully charged. so that was nice. thanks sprint man. 

ok, vent session over. i'm happy to be here. i slept great last night, better than i have in a while now. probably because i was exhausted from a few very stressful weeks, but also sleeping at home, in my parents' house. there is something so safe, so comfortable about it. i fell right to sleep, which i never do. that was awesome.

i also have another job interview tomorrow. i have 2 written offers, one verbal offer, and 2 more interviews. heavenly father is sure blessing me. love it. love Him. thanks.

sunsets and sunrises

i just sat outside and watched the sunset at 4:30pm, over the beautiful pacific ocean - where i live right on the cliffs above it...for another 4 days at least.

the sky was on fire in pinks and oranges. i'm pretty sure that sunsets and sunrises are God's canvas for painting.

it was a magical sunset, as most in san clemente are. not only was it indescribably beautiful, there were about 20 dolphins just playing and splashing in the waves. magic i tell you. magic.

actually, it's not magic...it's God's way of reminding me that He is ALWAYS in control. be it the elements, being stuck in traffic, physical health, spiritual struggles, complete life changes...anything and everything, God is in control. and watching sunsets and sunrises reminds me of that.

i haven't watched a sunrise in a while. i'm not much of a morning person. but i've been feeling lately like i need to return to that oh so painful mission habit of early to bed early to rise...give myself time to meditate, study, exercise and eat breakfast in the mornings. start my day with peace instead of rolling out of bed and rushing from the second i wake up to make sure i get to work on time.

God is in control. tonight's beautiful, magical moment was a perfect reminder of that.

thoughts...

Last week was brutally difficult for me. I will spare you most of the details, because it’s too personal to share for the world. But suffice it to say that I had moments last week when I felt more drained, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically than I ever have. I had moments of weakness and doubt. My heart feels so much pressure that I just don’t know if I can take it sometimes. God really does test us to our extremes, and in doing so He is able to truly show us His power.

I’ve recently decided and had a little bit of minimal insight on the following – it’s ok to be angry at God. For a long time I felt like being angry at God made me a bad person. A weak saint. Faithless. It made me feel so guilty. And this really is all my personal opinion, and many may not agree, but it’s the understanding that I have come to for myself, from my Father in Heaven teaching me about it. It’s ok and normal to be mad at your parents…earthly or Heavenly. I got mad at my parents all the time growing up – I still do occasionally, but rarely.  I would get angry, the only thing is, and this is what I relearned and realized in a new way recently, is that even though I get angry, my parents are/were still usually right. And that’s pretty much how it works with God too.

We really can’t understand His reasons most of the time, we don’t have His wisdom and omniscience regarding this grand journey of life, be it a whole picture or our own individual lives, but He’s still right. And I think it’s important to allow ourselves to experience the full range of human emotions, even if that means being mad at God once in a while, or even for a long time. If we allow ourselves to experience that, we allow ourselves to work through it, to work through the emotions and the lack of understanding and dig into it all to try and find some answers and peace about it all. But if we don’t allow ourselves that opportunity, I think we can really do more damage by holding ourselves back from being truly humbled and reliant on the Lord to figure it out. Does that make sense? For a long time I tried to not let myself feel angry at God because it made me feel guilty and weak. It literally made me feel like I was not being a faithful disciple. That my testimony was being rocked if I let myself feel that way. But I recently learned, again this is just for me personally, that quite the opposite is true.

Even though I have gotten mad at my earthly parents before, thrown tantrums of sorts, been impatient and quite angry with them, they still love me. They still forgive me. They still help and guide and support and keep on doing what is best for me – even, and especially when I don’t understand it. And I’m eternally grateful for that. God is the exact same way. And that is comforting. We can be mad at Him. He still loves us more than we could ever comprehend. He will continue to always forgive us, to be patient with us, and to try us and test us.

I recently read Elder Hales’ talk from October General Conference 2011, wherein he talks about waiting upon the Lord, suffering, etc. It’s worth re-reading or listening to. Go check it out here.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/waiting-upon-the-lord-thy-will-be-done?lang=eng

Thanks for listening. 

gratitude

I'm grateful to my parents for living and teaching me the principles of true freedom, of a free market system, and for the OPPORTUNITY to work hard each day to feed myself; to PURSUE life, liberty and happiness; to find personal growth and satisfaction through striving to fulfill my potential in a variety of ways and by a variety of means, including work and developing personal passions and skills and contributing to the world by doing so. I'm grateful for capitalism. I'm grateful that planning + work = progress....whether on an individual scale, for local government, or for an entire nation. I read the following today from a friend's post and it made me smile, because it's true. People may fight against these ideas and economic principles forever, but they are nonetheless true. 








An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan". All grades will be averaged and... everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all). After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed. It could not be any simpler than that. 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. 3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it! 5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

side note to my previous post

as i was buying car insurance...I discovered that year and make of my recently purchased car is classified as a WAGON not a minivan....like I said, it's a mini-mini van....or to the insurance world, a WAGON. yeah. i feel good about that. haha.

still looks like a minivan to me.