Christmas. Cruise. Craziness. Coolest Family Ever.

A brief update, pictures to follow......

December 18 - Fly to Orlando, FL. It was freezing, like in the 30's, felt like Utah. So cold!

December 19 - Board the world's largest cruise ship, with 4500 other passengers. Complete with ice skating rink, miniature golf course, rock climbing wall, on ship surfing thing-a-ma-jig, 17 decks, way too much food, movie theater, multiple dance clubs, multiple restaurants, insanity. Word.

December 20 - Day at sea. I think I literally fell asleep Sunday night (the 19th) and slept til Monday afternoon. I must've needed it.

December 21 - Rough water, so trip to CocoCay, Bahamas cancelled. 2nd day at Sea. More sleeping, only this time outside by the pool, in the sunshine. Also read 2 books. Sweet. Oh, and I totally ate it on the wet pool deck. My knee was the size of a football and currently still looks like a nasty eggplant. 

December 22 - Visit to St. Maarten island, a Dutch/French colony. Beautiful beaches. Fun shopping. And ridiculously fun rides on a banana boat with my sibs and bro-in-law. 

December 23 - Visit to St. Thomas, part of the US Virgin Islands. We spent the day at a beautiful private beach called Secret Harbor. Fantastic, soft white sand, amazing snorkeling with turtles and tropical fish, and large wild iguanas that kept trying to run across our towels, nearly giving me multiple heart attacks. They're kind of ugly scary looking creatures. 

December 24 - Another peaceful day at sea. More reading, more sleeping, more laying in the sun, mini golfing, games with the family, and just good times.

December 25 - Merry Christmas! Our final day at sea. Lots of relaxing, dressing up for a fancy Christmas dinner, sharing time with family, and mass caroling with 3500 other passengers. Pretty awesome.

December 26 - Sad day...cruise was over. Got back to Orlando - even colder than it was before. At least I was heading back to sunny California! 

It was a peaceful Christmas holiday with my entire family. It was my sister-in-law's first time on a plane, her first time in the ocean, first time on a boat, etc. What a blast!

Pictures to come soon.  :)

Happy Holidays!

C.O.T.

Circle. Of. Trust.

As a fair warning, this post is likely going to be very random, emotional, and completely nonsensical to most of you. I apologize for that. But tonight I just need to write, and get some of it out.

I miss having a best friend. I miss the love, the communication, the trust, the bond, having that person to depend upon and that person you want to talk to and tell them about your day. It's hard to go from having that special connection on a daily basis, to living alone, in a new place, not knowing anybody. It takes a lot of time to build meaningful, trusting relationships. And sometimes in the process of that time, you get lonely. And I don't mean the kind of lonely where you just miss having people around, I mean the kind of deep, inner, aching loneliness for the most sincere kind of human connection. I miss that.

And it's hard to go from having that, to having none of it. Add on top of that emptiness the fact that your family is completely falling apart, and everybody that you love more than life itself is a disaster, and my heart aches more than I can bare sometimes - such as tonight. 

I deserve to be loved. I am lovable. I love myself. I love God. And I love others. Deeply. Passionately. Compassionately. I have a world of goodness, gifts, service and light to share, but I feel as though not a single person really cares or recognizes any of it. All I want is for somebody else to see how great I am and just love my stinkin guts.

I miss Kristy Kadish. I miss my Sue-bear. I miss Neeley-chka. I miss Miss Katie. I miss Mirm. I miss my C-Monster. I miss Hansenita. I miss Grace. I miss my family being healthy and happy and laughing. I miss hugs, real hugs. And tender hand squeezes letting you know that it's all going to be alright. I miss my 17 year old body. I miss sleep. I miss feeling well rested. I miss thinking that finals were the hardest thing ever and the worst week every 4 months. I miss knowing that after finals, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I miss wanting to take a real risk by letting your heart go to another human being - but I'm tired of being heart broken over and over and over. 

I'm tired of selling myself short. I'm tired of plowing through 10 hour days at work, watching families destroy each other through the evil and selfishness of divorce. I'm tired of giving giving giving all the time, and putting on a pretty good act as if my bucket is always overflowing. 

Sometimes our gifts are part of our struggles, weird huh. 

I'm exhausted, and clearly emotional. I'll get over my self pity, but I just needed to spill over a little bit. Sorry for the personal indulgence. I'm off to bed, tomorrow will be bright again.

Loves. 

B

strange...

it's strange to have a doctor tell you that there is a medical reason for all of these things about your body that you just thought were normal, because you've lived with it your whole life. it's even more strange that a doctor can give you a tiny little pill to fix such a tiny big thing that controls so much in your body. just weird.

i got diagnosed this week with autoimmune thyroiditisosisosisososos....just kidding, I just don't know how to spell it or really say it. basically, it's hypo-(low)0thyroidism. my thyroid gland is about 1/2 the size it should be, and barely functions at all. i don't know why it took me so long to get it tested. all it took was a simple blood test. my sister had been nagging me about it forever, because she also suffers from low thyroid function, and so does my dad, and brother, and I think my mom does, and both of my grandmothers did too. you'd think I would've had that checked out a LONG time ago. but i never really thought anything was wrong. i finally went and got the blood work done because my dad basically made me, because there are SO MANY autoimmune disorders running ramped in my family, that he thought I should just finally get it done. so i did.

turns out that i've most likely had a severely low functioning thryoid gland since i was a kid. it's genetic in my case, from both sides of the family. however, because I was SUPER active all the way through high school, meaning hard core sports every day, several hours a day, for years on end, I probably saved myself a lot of the more severe symptoms of a low thyroid. but, all these other things I've just had my whole life that i thought were just normal to me, are actually symptoms. many of these include: my eczema (dry skin) all over my body, the fact that I bruise very easily, have always suffered from severe sinus problems despite where I'm living and the environment, the aching in my shins and joints (not from soccer), struggling with losing weight despite exercise and healthier eating, being constantly exhausted (which I always attributed to the insanity of my life and busy schedule, which it does play a part, but it's likely much more genetically influenced), etc.etc.etc. I could go on. All of these little things that I never thought much about - are all directly connected to my lack of thyroid function. weird huh?

your thyroid essentially controls your metabolism, or the rate at which all of your cells function and regulates all your cells and tissues. when there is a lack of hormone produced by your thyroid, all of your bodily functions slow down. and I never knew. wow.

somehow, I've been able to fight against it for so long, still suffering the effects of this autoimmune disorder, and get by. in jr.high and high school i beat a lot of the symptoms off because I played sports so much. in the rest of my life I seem to have just dealt with it unknowingly, not functioning at my best capacity. I think if I was a lot lazier person, I would probably see more of the severe signs of it. however, because I'm a crazy person, work super hard and am always on the go, I've always attributed my weariness and fatigue to my hectic lifestyle. boy was I wrong......

it will be interesting to see how the medication helps and if I really do start gaining more energy and feeling overall healthier. i don't really know anything else than what I've known about my body my whole life, so I feel like I might be in for a shock. strange.

that's all.

merry christmas...

I feel happy tonight. I put up a Christmas tree tonight! Yeah! And some other decorations. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and helped me not feel so lonely, even though I'm still totally alone tonight as I sit here listening to the waves. Here is a lousy phone picture of my tree.

I had a couple more pictures, but they're not loading properly. Oh technology. 

Anyway, I'm beat, and have way too much to get done this weekend still. I'm not sure, but I think you should feel relaxed at the end of the weekend, and recharged for a new week - but lately, I'm more exhausted by Sunday night than I ever have been. Monday morning is even worse than usual these days. 

Merry Christmas from the beach, where my star atop the tree is a starfish! 

Loves. 

-B 

tonight I feel overwhelmed by my calling. i'm grateful for it. i'm grateful that my Heavenly Father trusts me enough to try and do what I can to help strengthen and rescue my sisters. but despite that, i still feel overwhelmed and inadequate. this is so much bigger than me, so much more needs to happen than I can ever personally accomplish. i feel the need to help our active sisters stay strong and to help them feel the fire, the passion, and the need to search out and bring those lost ones back to the fold. like i said, it's all so much bigger than me. and tonight I feel it, a lot. i feel like I don't even know where to begin.

i'm sorry that all i've written about lately is my calling - it's kind of consuming my life and my thoughts.

that's about it. i should go to sleep soon.

Family. The Sweetest Thing Ever.

So my family (well, half of them, and a half that I sure love!) flew into town last night. It has been nothing but wonderful since then. They came to visit me at my office today and we went and tried a new Thai food restaurant I've been drooling over, and it was deeeeliciousssoooo! To top it off, I got home from work around 6:45 and they had been working all day on cleaning our rental property - which I am moving into in the next month or so. I have been trying hard to even get to it, working on it a half hour here and there, but my life has gotten so hectic the past few weeks that I haven't even been able to make a dent on anything over there. Yeah, I got there, the place was amazing! My family blows my mind! They're on vacation, and they spent the entire day working and serving me by cleaning, repairing, sanding, and doing all the bazillion other things I've been needing to get to so this place gets move-in ready. I'm so blessed! I have the best family ever. I  mean, what 16 year old girl and 11 year old boy work ALL day along with their parents doing repetitive, dirty, hard manual labor just because? Studly.

I helped out for maybe 45  minutes before I had to run off to church for a meeting with the Bishop and other RSP, which lasted 2 & 1/2 hours. Then made it home at 11:30pm. Good thing I worked super hard today and got done what I needed to, so I don't even have to go into work tomorrow. Woohoo!

That's it. My family rocks. I'm exhausted, and going to sleep.

A Little Bit of David......

No, I'm not dating somebody named David. Or any man by any other name for that matter.

But today, when I got home from church around 5:15, I found David Archuleta's Christmas CD. And yesterday at the grocery store, along with a Thanksgiving turkey, I purchased one of those bags of cinnamon scented pine cones. I think I'm feeling the holiday itch. So now, I'm scarfing some leftover Maggiano's italian food, listening to some Christmas music, and about to make peanut blossom cookies - ya know, the kind with the hershey's kiss in the middle.

I'm normally against listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, but given the fact that I have no snow, no change of season, no family around, nothing....I feel ok about listening to it today. Why not enjoy the season, and be grateful and celebrate the life of our Savior more than just a month? And Christmas music does just that for me! It makes me celebrate deep inside my soul the birth, life, atonement and resurrection of my Savior Jesus Christ. It makes my heart want to burst with joy! Who doesn't want a little more of that joy? And I needed it today.

I apologize for not posting much lately, but life has just gotten a bit crazy. Being the new "RSP" has it's ups and downs for sure. Today was a fantastic Sunday, but exhausting at the same time. There is SO much to figure out, and to be aware of, so many people with such great needs. I had quite the mix of emotions as I sat through ward council this morning, listening to and participating in the work of the Lord with so many fantastic people. I had this secret little moment of jealousy thinking, man if this was how it worked on my mission we'd have gotten sooo much more done! Haha. But seriously, the power and peace and responsibility that I felt as I sat in that office with 15 incredibly dedicated, faithful, compassionate, loving, Christlike people, who truly care about their brothers and sisters over whom they have stewardship was such a privilege. It was inspiring. 

I also was able to reflect simply on how blessed I truly am, how lucky I am to be exactly where I'm at in my life right now. I'm so grateful for the gospel, for both the inner and outer peace it brings to the chaos that is life. I've really felt that since being set apart - sincere gratitude that my life is good, in every aspect. The Lord has and continues to richly bless me. For what reasons, I can't say. I don't feel that I deserve all the awesomeness that is my life, but I'm grateful for it - and want to strive to work to deserve all the blessings He pours down on me.

So tonight, a little bit of David Archuleta, singing about the Savior, from the line of David, is just what I need to enjoy my Sunday of blissful blessings.

Sluffing Institute Tonight

Did anyone else ever use the term "sluffing" in high school? Meaning, ditching class? Well, tonight, right now, I'm sluffing institute. Shame. On. Me. What kind of Relief Society President am I being? It's too early for me to be slacking off already...too bad.   ;)

It's sort of been a long day. I'm hormonal and cranky, which is never good. Also super tired. I didn't get home from church until 11:15pm last night. I've been feeling super overwhelmed in general the past while. And today at work, all day, I just felt like - blah. I'm a mess. I just got this huge calling that consumes my thoughts for a good chunk of the day and night, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. And just 4 weeks earlier I started a new full-time job, in which I have SO MUCH to learn, and definitely haven't gotten my footing yet. And pile it all together today - pms, stressful work, overwhelming calling, major lack of sleep, and my Daddy flew back to Utah today.....it was a recipe for what I now am. A puddle of mush sitting on my couch, achy muscles, tired eyes, tired brain, tired spirit, and sluffing institute.


I'll feel better tomorrow though. A hot shower, good night's rest, a little prayer, and I'll be a new woman.

Sweet dreams. Saldziu sapnu. Saldas sapnas. Spoky Noky.

Strength

Sorry I haven't posted in over a week. The past week has been pretty busy. I came across this fantastic thought this week, and wanted to share it, because it encompasses a lot of my feelings regarding what's been on my mind. 

‎"A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey, but a woman of strength knows it is in the journey where she will become strong."

Last Sunday I was called to be one of the new Relief Society Presidents in my ward, and sustained and set apart today. They decided to split the sisters by age, into 2 Relief Societies. So I am over the 18-25 year olds, which stresses me out much less than 200+ girls. I've been kind of a basket case all week, not in a bad way - just feeling totally inadequate, overwhelmed, and just plain sorta shocked. 


When the Bishop sat me down last week to call me, I felt like I had been totally blindsided. I literally had no idea it was coming. It was a rough week to say the least, I just couldn't focus. The weight of this calling and the responsibilities attached to it were felt immediately. 


There has been so much I've wanted to write about this week, the things I've been feeling, the thoughts in my head. But I couldn't post anything until after I'd been sustained in church. Now I'm just tired and don't have much to say right now. I sorta just wanna get to bed. Maybe you could all pray for me though? That would be much appreciated. Thanks for all your love and support.

Hallo-working Friday!

Ok, so since Halloween is on a Sunday this year, I'll be dressing up early. Question is though, and I need some seriously quick, easy, and inexpensive ideas.

What to wear to work on Friday in celebration of Halloween?

What to dress up as for the multi-stake YSA Halloween party and dance on Friday night?

Please share your thoughts. I'm brain-dead on the topic.

The Effects of Commuting

I drive - A LOT! It can be tiring, but I definitely have an easy commute. Most people in Southern California have to drive MUCH further than I do. However, one of the results of commuting is that I spend a lot of time looking at a lot of cars. I'm in the market to buy a car in the next year or so, probably about 6 months from now. As you all know, I went to the Orange County car show a couple of weeks ago. Which was helpful in the car shopping arena, although I was a little more than distracted because of the handsome man that was accompanying me that evening. 

Anywho......in my time spent looking at cars every morning and evening as I drive to and from work....these are some of my current top favorites that I want to look into test-driving. Share your thoughts, both on these cars and on any suggestions you might have.

Hyundai Sonata - great mileage, nice features, smooth ride, surprisingly affordable. 

Hyundai Tucson - although I shouldn't want an SUV, especially since I have to commute, this is a very small SUV, but surprisingly roomy inside, and gets on average 30+ mpg, which is what I get on my sedan right now.

The Nissan Juke - new this year to the Nissan line. Totally a rollover car, meaning it's got the body style of both an SUV and a sedan, lots of vroom-vroom, and good mileage still. So fun to drive!

And, last but certainly not least, the Toyota Matrix. I'm really digging the hatchback thing right now. And the Matrix has tons of room inside, reliable as any other Toyota, good mileage, solid choice. 

There are also always something so common, but super smart choice, like a Honda Civic, and in the top running a newer model (2008-2011) Hyundai Elantra, they get like 40 mpg, but are tiny inside and out....I still want to be comfortable, which is why I like the Sonata more....it's like the Accord version of Hyundai.

Share your thoughts please. 

Much love always.

-B

monday monday.

i don't feel like i have much to blog about right now. nothing too exciting is happening. i get  up, go to work when it's still dark. i work all day. i leave work when it's dark. i might have to work on this. like walking a half hour during lunch or something so I get some sort of daylight and progression of time, and to simply keep my sanity.

today was definitely a monday. not that i was feeling bad about monday. but when i got on the elevator at work, there were 4 other people, all with the monday morning woes. frowns. squinty eyes and yawns. and very large cups of coffee. at least the elevator smelt like delicious, aromatic coffee. and one person in particular that i work with was very grumpy all day. which just makes it difficult to strive to be the happy one all day. especially when you're the one needing to ask all the questions. you don't want to nag a grumpy person.

now i need to go to sleep.

goodnight.

happy friday

so i feel like the last post might've come off rather negative and depressing. i didn't really mean it to be, but it was a rough few days, and i was just extremely tired and adjusting to new things, and i really do hate seeing my brother in so much pain. but it's ok. i'm good. i promise.

today, gratefully, is friday. thank goodness.

i started my new job this week on monday. i'm a legal assistant for this amazing attorney who practices family law. he also happens to be LDS. he also happens to be the bishop of a local ward here in orange county. i have been astounded by his energy, his enthusiasm, his passion for helping others and improving families' happiness. i honestly don't know how he does it all. he works so hard all day every day. then he goes home and does his bishop stuff every day. and he's a father of 5, and husband of one wonderful, incredible woman. i repeat, i don't know how he does it all. he has more passion for protecting families than just about anyone i've ever met. it's awesome. i love my job. i love the people i work with. i feel like i'm learning a 3rd language, which to be honest, i am. law definitely has so much vocabulary that it is its own language.

i'm tired. i think i'll go take a nap and start my laundry. i'm so pooped this week i don't even feel like attempting to do anything social this weekend, at all. except go to church. but that's not for social purposes.

goodnight. happy friday. :)

exhausted. frustrated. angry.

it's only tuesday night, yet it feels like friday at 3pm. this isn't a complain post, just a simple stating of the facts in my life this week. and i'm too tired and too lazy right now to even use appropriate capitalization or punctuation.

my little bro flew in on Saturday night. he had a dr's appt on monday.

i told you about my employment craziness last week. i started at my new job monday - yesterday. i actually really enjoyed my first day of work. i'm now officially learning my 3rd language - the law. my head is overflowing with new vocabulary, which is exciting and I actually feel like I'm working, and learning lots of new things, and it's exhausting, in a good way. sad part is, I work for an attorney who only does family law. which in orange county the vast majority of that means divorce. messy, heated, angry divorce. families torn apart. children in therapy. custody battles. changing visitation rights. domestic violence. restraining orders. sad. not a depressing work environment though, i love the people i work with and the fun we have. just a sad subject matter that makes me even more cautious yet determined to make marriage work no matter what, once i get there.

monday night i was supposed to take my bro to the airport so he could fly back home. but he had an extremely severe reaction that caused him to be unable to travel home. i won't go into details, it's not my place. but suffice it to say that i've never seen my brother in so much pain, or so uncomfortable. i hate being completely helpless - to see my brother, who I would literally do anything for in the world, and not be able to do a dang thing. i can't take away any of his pain. i can't even make him more comfortable. 

i hate type 1 diabetes.

i hate rheumatoid arthritis.

i hate that someone i love more than life suffers from both of them at the same time.

i hate that there are no cures for either chronic disease. 

i hate it all yet understand that life is not fair. that doesn't mean it's ok and it doesn't make it any easier. i know the gospel is true, and beyond anything else that the atonement is real, but that doesn't take away 100% of our pain all the time. yet too often the culture of the church treats it like the opposite is true. 

i hate being able to do nothing. it's against my very nature of nurturing.

can you tell i'm frustrated about it? for the past 3 days all i wanted to be able to do was to fix it, to make it better in any way. but i couldn't. i didn't sleep last night because i had to keep checking on him to make sure he hadn't passed out from low blood sugar because he was so nauseous he couldn't eat anything. one bite or one swallow of anything just kept coming straight back up. i literally didn't sleep at all. 

then i got up at 6:30 am to go to work, like an adult. i worked from 8-6. i drank 3 bottles of diet dr. pepper and still barely  made it through the day awake. i could hardly focus. i was worried about my brother all day. i wanted to be there to take care of him. luckily he laid at home and slept all day. he's still not feeling great, but not vomiting anymore. then our neighbor drove him to the airport cuz i had to work still. i didn't even get to say goodbye. sad. i hope he starts feeling better soon, and that his drs find some good pain meds that will help him get more comfortable and address some of his symptoms, both for his diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis.

now i'm home. exhausted to the bone. 9 hour days at work after nights of no sleep are long. but then we get off at NOON every friday. rock on. 

i'm so tired i'm not even going to institute tonight. i know that's bad. but i just drove a half hour home, and i'd have to drive a half hour back to institute. i'll go tomorrow night for sure though. i think i'll sit here and watch GLEE instead. yes. I am a gleek. 

it's only tuesday. 

No Puking Involved

Good morning, good morning! Apparently people are anxiously awaiting to hear how yesterday night went. I'll get to that, but let me recap the day first - no skipping to the end friends.

7:34 am - my property manager show's up in my bedroom with 2 plumbers, both who happen to be attractive young men.....I'm totally asleep in my bed, in my g's.....why didn't they knock? Awkward start to the day. *gulp*  And why don't people keep normal business hours? Or call before barging in? Haha! Oh wait, she did call and leave a voicemail, but I get no reception, literally. Oh well, at least I had a blanket.

10:00 am - start new job.

****Backtrack*****

9:15 am - brushing my teeth, house phone rings. It's Dan, Mr. Mormon attorney. Nice guy who I interviewed with a few times, but he ended up deciding to hire someone who "had 25 years experience working in family law," but he really did like me, it's nothing personal, promise. He laughs and says, "Beth I have a funny life story for you, and then I want to know if you'll come work for me." He proceeds to tell me about how he hired this woman with all that experience, she shows up the first day and doesn't know the first thing about anything - oh great. Apparently she totally lied and puffed up her resume. Day 2 of her job, he shows up, she had left him a voicemail, quitting. Thus, calls me, relays this story, and says, "so I should've hired you in the first place like I thought. I'll start you at ____ per hour, benefits after 90 days, etc.etc.etc. what do you think? Will you come work for me?" Me, kindly thank him for the offer but explain that I start a new job today, and I need some time to think it over. He surprisingly says, "oh that was fast. Yeah, but I need to know soon, can you call me by tomorrow afternoon?" Yes, yes I'll call.

9:30am - Leave for work, at my 1st day at my new, part-time job.

Spent all day contemplating my dilemma, working, deciding which path would be most beneficial all around. After spending the day at work, I got an ok feel of what it would generally be like at that job. Spoke to my boss with frankness about the situation before me. He was sad because he felt like we'd work great together, but running a small family biz from home, as an entrepreneur, he couldn't offer me any more money right then, and could honestly never offer any benefits - they have a hard time with their own health insurance as small biz owners.....even worse w/Mr. Obama's implementations (Sorry if any of you are Obama supporters, I'm just stating a simple fact). But he was very kind and understanding, and wished he could offer something to keep me.

5pm - get home from work. Get ready for date. At least one thing was going to start out great - I knew I looked good, which makes me feel good, which definitely helps in the confidence arena. :)

7pm - meet at his place (he lives north of me like 30 minutes.....so it made no sense to backtrack, cuz we were heading north to Anaheim). He drove, even though I asked him. Very gentlemanly.
Dinner at Pei Wei Asian Diner, yummy yum yum! Good food, good conversation. Much laughter over our fortune cookie future telling. Then it was off to the car show. The whole night was a blast. Very casual. No stress. No awkwardness whatsoever. He's definitely a gentleman, which is always refreshing.

I don't know if he'll ask me out in the future or not, but we definitely just had a fun time. And if we don't go out again, oh well. If nothing else, it was helpful for 2 things - boosting my confidence, and helping me in my car shopping woes. (I have to buy a car in January)

Oh, and no tossing of the cookies all night = success.   :)

Why was I all stressed out?

boo

i woke up to the sound of a consistent dripping this morning. no it was not the pouring rain outside or the ravaging winds that woke me....it was the pesky little dripping noise.

i have a leak in my bedroom ceiling. no bueno.

the water coming out is yellow-ish orange. also no bueno.

plumber might not be able to make it til tomorrow. double no bueno.

hopefully it doesn't get too much worse.

the end.

Tuesday has proven to be much better than Monday....

I know, mind blowing right, 2 posts in less than 24 hours! Sometimes I feel like blogging, sometimes I don't.

This morning I actually felt like venting about how exhausted and frustrated I am trying to find a job. Don't get me wrong - I'm still working on my OCD Solutions business, but running a business requires money. Which requires some sort of income. And I have to start paying rent soon, and buy myself a car soon - all of those things require much larger amounts of money than I am currently producing for myself. And this morning, it was raining again, and I was feeling gloomy and not looking forward to applying for more jobs and selling used furniture on craigslist for my current, temporary job. However, there was the possibility of a glimmer in the day. I had an interview scheduled at noon.

And guess what? I got the job! Woot woot! I start tomorrow at 10am. I'm stoked. I'll give you more details later, but it's just up my alley and I'm really excited. For now, I've got a bunch of furniture to sell online.

Cheers.

Caution: Puking may ensue soon

You might all think that I'm sick or something by the title of this post, but you would be wrong. Well, not necessarily. I'm not physically ill, but rather love sick you could say. Let me expound.

When it comes to the opposite sex, I am a disaster. I don't know anything about them. Whenever there is a guy that I am even semi interested in, I get so nervous and I tense up every time I even see them. Awkward. That's what it comes down to. I turn into a totally awkward mess of nervousness and anxiety. Which is exactly what happened tonight.

I've been secretly crushing on this boy in my ward ALL summer. But I could definitely use some lessons in the world of flirting and the games necessary in the world of dating. I could barely muster up the courage to talk to him all summer, or at least nothing more than a smile and hello. However, lately I've decided that I need to take more initiative or nothing will ever happen. So for the past month since I got back to California I've been working on that in very small ways, such as sitting by him at a fireside, making sure I actually say something more than hello every time I see him, etc. I know that doesn't sound overly significant, but it's major progress for me.

This past weekend was general conference, and my friend Crystal and I decided last minute to invite friends over for breakfast before the Sunday morning session. This boy was the only one who ended up coming, (besides Crystal and I), and about 4 other people who were going to come slept in late and missed it. So the 3 of us spent all day together, watching conference, walking on the beach, eating way too much, etc. It was such a blast, so comfortable and not awkward at all. During the day I came to find out that he really loves cars and actually knows what he's talking about when it comes to cars. Perfect! 

I got these 2 free tickets to the Orange County Auto Show this coming weekend. So, Crystal has been prepping me all day to ask him tonight at FHE. After FHE was over, he was there, I was there, I could feel my nerves giving way. I couldn't do it. I felt this epic failure coming on, that I was so nervous I wouldn't even do it. But then something overtook me - maybe 4 months of distant admiration, who knows. I walked right up to him as he was getting ready to leave, asked him if he wanted to go Thursday night, he said yes, and we're going. I'm absolutely positive that my face was bright red and I had disaster written all over me. 

But he said yes, that's the important part. After he left, I literally thought I was going to pass out and had to walk outside to get some fresh air in the rain. I know that sounds SO lame, but I literally turn into a pile of mush when I'm around him. But asking him out on a date.......that definitely maxes out my courage for quite a while. 

And I definitely don't like asking guys out in general. I find it such a tricky balance between being too forward....and never dating at all. I think that if a guy is interested, he should ask the girl out. But it just doesn't go both ways, because if a girl asks a guy out, she's too bold and that's scary and too forward as previously mentioned. But I figure, I can sit around and keep trying to just let it happen, or take a big scary risk but at least make some progress or change either way, right? Any thoughts? 

The rules of dating have obviously changed since the picturesque, idealistic image of the 1950's, when men were men, and women were women, and people fell into the appropriate roles (most of the time, there are obviously always outliers). But what are the new rules? There is so much ambiguity and confusion about it all, especially to me in Mormon culture where traditional gender roles still hold much more true than in other cultures of our society.

Anyway, that's what I'm feeling. Confusion. Anxiety. Total excitement that I'm going to learn all about cars with a super great guy on Thursday night. Nervous that I've overstepped my bounds or intimidated or will scare away because I asked him out. Ugh. Aaarrrrggggghhhhhhh. Someone just needs to write a rule book about it. Does anybody have the answers? 

And that leads to more questions when it comes to girls asking guys out. For example - who drives? If the girl drives, does the guy still open her door for her? The list goes on and on........

Somebody please give me a manual on all this, or I might be single - *imagine Small's voice from Sandlot* F-O-R-E-V-E-R!

I think I might puke soon. It's been a few hours since this encounter took place, and I'm still as nervous as if I was standing in front of him. 

Wish me luck, and pray that I can keep myself composed on Thursday night. Any thoughts on dinner? I was maybe thinking Cheesecake Factory - I've never been there, but I've heard people love it and it's in the medium price range. Please share your ideas. 

Sorry this was so long. The end. 

all play. no work.

Oh wait, wasn't it always the opposite, all work, no play? I must just be enjoying life too much right now. Or I'm finally figuring out that I don't have to be a total workaholic 36 hours a day.....haha.

Let me explain.....
2 weekends ago - girls camps with the single's ward ladies!

Last week - spent the whole week partying at Lake Powell

This coming weekend - boating at Big Bear

Um, should I stop partying so much? No. I will continue to have lots of fun. And I still work...on occasion. Just kidding. I'm trying to be an adult, and I do work, most days of the week. Maybe I'm just learning how to have fun and more balance. That's good I think.

That's all.

confusion

Today has definitely felt like a Monday. I woke up wishing I was still in Lake Powell. Oh the end of blissfully peaceful vacations are sad. Needless to say, POWELL WAS AMAZING! I can't believe I've been missing out on that my whole life. WOWZERS!

I've been experiencing some confusion lately. Growing up and trying to figure out how to be an adult is just confusing. There are so many options - which I do recognize as a great blessing. Most people in the world don't have the vast and various opportunities that I have. But sometimes, it makes me want to crawl into my cave and shy away from having to make hard choices. That sounds so lame. And weak. But that's just how I feel sometimes.

More details to follow. Hopefully some of my confusion will clear up by the end of this week or early next week when I have made some more decisions about life.

The other tricky part, is when certain things depend on other people's choices....and you can't make your choices until they've made theirs. It's frustrating.

off the grid completely

1. I won't find out about the job until the end of the week...well not til Saturday night at least. But thank you so much everyone for all of your support. It means the world to me.

2. I'm going to Lake Powell tomorrow for the first time in my life. I'm so stoked I could literally pee my pants out of pure joy. A group of people from my singles ward are going, and they invited me. That rocks on a lot of levels. 

3. The above means I will be completely away from any connection, for 5 days straight. I actually really love disconnecting occasionally. It's healthy for you.

4. I'm hard core crushing on this boy in my ward. His smile utterly melts my insides. He is a huge flirt, with all the girls. Ugh. And no, he's not one of the party-ers going to Lake Powell. *slight sigh of sadness* 

5. Self photo shoots are fun. 

6. It's starting to feel like home finally. 

7. The end. 

woohoo!

I had a great job interview this morning. I really hope it plays out. It'd be FULL TIME. With B.E.N.E.F.I.T.S. At a rockin' company. In San Clemente. 5 minutes from my house.

Please pray for me that I get this job. It'd be absolutely incredible.

On another good note. I'm going to Girls Camp. Yes, Girls Camp. With the San Clemente 5th YSA Ward. Sweet huh. Camping today. I'm stoked.

That's all.

Pray for me to get this job. Please.  ;)

Lethargic.....

Hey friends, I don't know what my deal is lately, but I have been constantly exhausted this summer. Maybe it's long term recuperation from several years of maniacal busyness and over-achievement syndrome. Now that I'm done with college, done with serving a full-time mission, and living on the beach - I feel like my body is catching up with me. I think the craziness of this summer could also add to it. And now that I'm back permanently and trying to settle into my new life here in California, my body is screaming SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!!! I'm not one to move very slow, I'm constantly trying to do toooo many things at once. But I don't know what else to do other than do a lot. I feel a lot of pressure to figure out how to really stand on my own two feet, and that is definitely a driving force to my madness. Living in California is not cheap. Being an adult is not cheap. But I don't feel like financial stress should guide such a big part of my life. I'm really trying to figure out how to be more well-balanced in life. It's hard to find said balance. 

*Insert sigh here*

That being said, back to work I go. I took the long weekend off with my girlfriend who came into town from Arizona. Now I'm scrambling to catch up with work today. But I've had a hard time today doing that. Yesterday we went and played at the tide pools at Dana Point. I hit a big slippery, slimy rock and fell super hard backwards. It appeared that I just got a big fatty bruise on my bum, but I woke up this morning with the worst back pain of my life. Yes, you guessed it - that pain is shooting straight from my bum all the way up my back. It's bizarre. And I'm a clutz. 

I need to find a heating pad still and lay on it all night, along with downing a bottle of ibuprofen. Sorry, I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining. Just stating my current condition. I was all revved up yesterday to go to the gym this morning, set my alarm for 7:30am, got up, tried to stand up without much success, rather with lots of pain, and decided to lay back down and go back to sleep. So much for all that motivation. Say hello to fake Monday mornings. :)

That's it. I'm just tired and achy today. I feel older than I am. It'll wear off. And hopefully my vitamin B12 pills help out too.

In a Nutshell

sorry I've been MIA lately...the past few weeks have been more than slightly insane. here's a recap of the past month or so:

July 31-August 6 - Helloooooo Chicago! YPO (Young President's Organization) Preparing for Professional Life Conference, @ Northwestern University, Kellogg School of Management

August 7: Bekah's Bridal Shower at my parent's house in the morning, then Megan & Todd's picture perfect wedding! Marriage ceremony took place at the Jordan River Temple, then the fantastic dinner reception at the Cactus & Tropicals Greenhouse.

Bekah's Bridal Shower Spread of DELICIOUS food! Thanks Diane!

The perfect couple. Everything was perfect!

August 13: Fly to Spokane for my little brother's wedding at the Columbia River Temple, in the 

Tri-Cities Area.  I don't have any pictures of the wedding on my camera...you'll have to wait for another post for those details.

August 15: Fly back to Utah.

August 16-27: Work like a maniac, writing copy for websites (one of my many endeavors), clean out and rebuild my Daddy's office. See below. Sorry there are no before pictures, but believe you me, it looks much better now. 

I spent about a lot of hours/days assembling $1500 worth of IKEA furniture. 1 very sharp utility knife, 2 different hammers, 3 screwdrivers, 4 days, about 100 screws, 1,000 weird little alan-wrench thing-a-muh-bobs, several pinched fingers, almost a few broken nails, a lot of sweat, sawdust, and plenty of good tunes later.......it turned out pretty good compared to what it used to look like. You can only see half of it here...

August 25-28: 3 days of pure bliss, endless sneezing, lots of snipping, cutting, tying, and lots of fun. I was the florist for my brother's wedding, and I spent 3 wonderful days arranging flowers. I'm not gonna lie, they looked pretty stinkin' amazing! Sadly, I don't have any pictures. I was so busy doing them, that I didn't stop to take any pics. But, I'll get them up soon. My bro-in-law took a bunch, and so did the hired photographer. So when I get them back, I'll post. You might be sort of surprised and impressed. I love arranging flowers - almost more than anything else.

August 30: red-eye Jet Blue flight back to California. WOOHOO!

August 31 - September 3 : work a whole bunch, solve a bunch of issues, try and get my feet back under me....no, not so much. Got hired by CORT Furniture as an independent contractor until the end of the year to sell a bunch of random Census office furniture. Got an interview with Skull Candy. That would rock. I'll update you on that more next week.

Sept. 3 - 6 : played on the beach with my best girl Miriam. She's living in Yuma, AZ right now teaching 10th & 11th grade English classes. We had a blast at the beach, went to the swapmeet (amazing), at cinnamon-ly delicious churros the size of a small child, ate the best breakfast burritos known to mankind at Surfin' Donuts, relaxed, talked for hours on end, made an incredibly un-nutritious chocolately heavenly bundt cake, slept - a lot, and played at the tide pools at Dana Point. It was the best weekend ever. Thank you Labor Day!

And that's Beth's Month in a Minute! Thanks for stopping in. Love  you!

True Greatness

"There are some among us who are unhappy with their lives because they have wanted to achieve a measure of greatness in this life but now feel they have failed in some fundamental way..."[Joseph F. Smith wrote:] 'Those things which we call extraordinary, remarkable, or unusual may make history, but they do not make real life... 'After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman.' (Juvenile Instructor, 15 Dec. 1905, p. 752.)..."True greatness is never a result of a chance occurrence or a one-time effort or achievement. It requires the development of character. It requires a multitude of correct decisions for the everyday choices between good and evil."

(Howard W. Hunter, "True Greatness," Ensign, May 1982, 19-20) 

paintballing, demolition, aggression, and fun!

i've written content for a couple of paintballing sites now for my copywriting job.......it makes me want to go paintballing.

i've never been. my dad and brother used to go a lot. i was always jealous. I want to go. i need to look up  places, rental fees, etc. then find at least one buddy. then i'm going. seriously.

who doesn't want to run around with a high speed semi-automatic furiously firing painful balls of paint at each other in the woods, or the desert, or at a set-up playing field? i imagine it to be like hitting a punching bag - well, at least having the same effect.

fun. ir viskas. 

i don't wanna grow up, i'm a toys-r-us kid.....

Lately I've been feeling like I have to grow up or something...i'm in some transitional phase where everything in my life is leading me towards that awful, scary word - adulthood! hahaha. it makes me laugh sometimes. When I actually was a little kid, I always wanted to be a grownup, and my daddy would constantly tell me, "Beth, don't be in such a rush to grow up." Of course I never listened, and now that I'm sorta, maybe, beginning, or rather being forced by life to grow up in certain ways, I wish I would've listened. That's hindsight bias for you though right? 

My little brother, who's now 11 years old and at that age where he teases and jokes about everything, always reminds me that I'm now a "quarter of a century old," he thinks he's quite funny. 

Anyway, on my 25th birthday, I happened to be in California with my family (before I moved out there) and we decided that it would be awesome to come up with "25 Things to do with a Quarter" in honor of my 25th birthday. We started making a list, but never really finished it and never completed the ones that we did write down. So, my goal this week is to come up with a total 25 things, and then to complete them. 

I just need to feel like a kid again. So, tonight, I'm starting with #1 - ride on one of the kiddie rides outside K-Mart or Toys'R Us, or wherever they may be.

Please leave any ideas you have in my comments......

Thanks, and here's to being a kid!

weddings, lots and lots of weddings

i'm sitting in my hotel room right now here in spokane, washington. my grandma is asleep on the other bed, and I am trying to hold in my tears. this is all going to sound so lame, but some of you will understand my feelings.

today was a beautiful day here in washington, not a cloud in the sky. the columbia river temple is gorgeous, inside and out. it is set amidst the backdrop of the deep blue columbia river and surrounded by lush green pines. it was perfect. which only adds to the complexity of my swirling emotions.

the bride was beautiful - so were her flowers ;). the groom cried more than she did, awesome. the ceremony was perfect. i cried. my mom cried. my dad cried. my sister cried. I don't think my bro-in-law cried. my younger brother and sister probably cried, or felt sad at least, that they couldn't actually go to my bro's wedding because they're too young.

my brother and his new wife are just fantastic together. she is very loving, kind, patient, and nurturing. and she's brave. and courageous. i admire that about her. she's taking on a lot at a very young age. I didn't really know very much about myself at age 20. i love her, a lot.

i counted, and i've been to 8 weddings since january....no, not just receptions - wedding ceremonies, in LDS temples. that's an average of 1 per month. i've been to a lot more than that in my life, and had the opportunity over and over to listen to the wedding ceremony. and this is where i start to fall apart. what more beautiful, heavenly, powerful thing can you experience? (maybe having kids someday will evoke similar feelings...I don't know) i feel blessed to have been able to listen and hear the promised blessings from our loving father in heaven, which blessings belong to those of us who make and keep our promises with him and with our spouses. i'm glad that someday when I get married, it won't be the first time i've heard it. i've heard it over and over and over again.

that being said - it was hard to be at my little brother's wedding. if it weren't for his diabetes, he'd just be getting home from his mission this month, not getting married. but I don't understand God's plan. i really can't see very much of it. i don't have His perspective. i feel like God is constantly having to bang me over the head, reteaching me how to be patient, day in and day out. what is it that i'm not learning? why can't I just find more of the missing puzzle pieces? why do i feel like i have blinders on?

point is, sometimes I'm just plain tired of being alone.  i don't want to be alone my whole life. i enjoy my solitude - more than a lot of people in fact. believe it or not, i'm much more of an introvert, a reflective, contemplative, would rather be with just one or two people than a crowd - althought some of you may argue that. but, i don't want to be alone forever. we're meant to share life with others. we may not be meant to be together 24/7, 365 days a year, but we're definitely meant to be together. period.

so as i sit here on my hotel bed, trying to be quiet enough to not wake up grandma - i cry. not the sobbing, stomach heaving kind of crying, yuck. but the big alligator tears that just swell up in your eyes and slowing roll down your face kind of crying. and in my pit of self-pity right now, i'll make my most selfish statements of the night, so please don't judge me. i don't mean this to be selfish, but it's just how i feel.

i'm tired of going to everyone else's weddings.

i'm happy for them. i want people to have that joy. but i want in on it too. don't judge. i'll be over this moment of crying and self-centered jealousy by morning. but right now, I'll cry, and i think that's ok.

like i said, complex emotions for me today. i'm truly exhuberantly happy for my brother and his wife, no doubt about it. add a twinge of self-pity, a scoop of selfish wants, sprinkle on a little guilt for feeling jealous on somebody else's wedding day, and throw the average wedding chaos and drama on top just for a sparkling effect - and then you've got beth's weekend wedding sundae. :) too dramatic? I know. sorry. a little self-indulgence. that's it. i'm stopping now.

sorry this was so long, and all about me, me, me.

goodnight.

Meh-wedge, meh-wedge is what brings us togeder today.....

Tomorrow morning, Friday the 13th, I'm going to hop on a plane to Washington state. 

My baby brother will get married here:

The Columbia River Temple, of the LDS Church.

The ceremony will be simple and beautiful. The doctrine pure and true.

I will undoubtedly cry, probably a lot, for a lot of reasons.

I've been to a lot of weddings, and a lot of LDS wedding ceremonies in LDS temples.

There is nothing like it. There is nothing I want more than to experience it for myself someday.

That's really all I have to say about it right now - well, that's really all I can say about it right now. I have a lot of emotions and many more thoughts that I could share, but that which I have written sufficeth me for now.

momentary lapse from my break

I just had to report that I finally saw the movie Eclipse tonight. Many of you may be fans of the Twilight Saga, and many of you may not be. I enjoyed the books, and I've been enjoying the movies - don't hate on me if you're not a fan.

I loved this movie. The best so far.

Team Jacob, through and through. Have been since I read the books, even more with the movies now since Taylor is such a super hottie.

Favorite scene of the whole movie.......while Edward, Jacob, and Bella are camping in the tent. Jacob is so much hotter than Edward...in a lot of ways.

That's all I have to report about right now. I'll probably post this weekend with a better, more complete update.

Cheers, and ciao!

blogging break

I'm not sure why, but I just haven't really felt much like blogging lately. Not for a lack of things to write about - I'm in a new city, new state, new home, new people, new work. There's plenty I could write about. I just don't feel like it. So, this post is simply to give you a warning. A warning that I might be taking a break from the world of blogging for a while, until I feel like writing more. Sorry friends and family. Hopefully it won't be too long, but I'm just not up for it too much right now.

Cheers. Love you. Thanks for the support as always.

paid to write!

Due to my internship last semester, which was all about online and social marketing, I started this blog. I found that I loved writing.

Now, I get paid to write copy/content for a variety of websites. Yeah, that's right, I get paid to write. Isn't that sweet?

I wrote approximately 8,000 words today, for 5 different websites. I learned all about different types of motorcycle, dirt bike and racing helmets. I researched and wrote about western home decor products and all types of bedding. I wrote about children's educational games, toys, and software. So not only do I get paid to write, I get paid to learn about all sorts of cool stuff, then pretend that I have a clue what I'm talking about. Sweet gig, right?

However, all of that writing makes my desire to write other stuff diminish a bit, which is why I haven't blogged very much lately. I've been writing so much that I haven't really felt much like blogging, and I haven't had much to blog about. But here's a quick update:

- My family is town for the next month or so, which is awesome, because I was getting sort of lonely.

- I stayed all last week up in Huntington Beach at my cousin Shari's house, because I was sorta homeless.

- I discovered that my awesome friend Jeff from BYU-Hawaii (back in 2003-2004!) now lives in Huntington Beach with his beautiful wife Susannah and two adorable kids. They took me in and fed me all week, and Susannah and I became fast friends, it feels like we've known each other forever now. I'm so blessed!

- Today was an absolutely gorgeous day! The June gloom finally cleared out today...let's hope the sunshine sticks around. Next goal, actually get out of the house to enjoy the sunshine. I was cooped up all day writing those 8,000 words previously mentioned.

- I have a crush on this super cute boy in my ward. But I am so awkward and nervous, I don't ever know what to do about it. So for now, I just admire from afar.

- Oh, and my parents are going to Utah tomorrow just for a day, which leaves evil oldest sister, yes me, in charge! Bbwwaaahhhahahahahahaha! That's my evil laugh. Jk. We'll probably go party at the beach all day and then maybe go see a movie. Yeah, they love me, especially since none of them have money, and none of them can drive.

That's about it. I'm sick of writing for now.

Goodnight!

Excuse the construction mess....

Once upon a time, for a few short weeks, my blog actually looked finished and complete. I liked it. That beautiful minima stretch template that was fluid width and took up the whole screen. Oh how I miss you. Then blogger decided to come out with the new template designer....goodbye to my minima stretch page. And, since I'm an idiot when it comes to technology, especially anything to do with the Internet....I can't get it back. So any of you who actually read my blog regularly (thank you Nila, Shari, and Jessie!), you'll notice it keeps changing faces. I'm trying to mess around with it and find something I really like now.  I really want the stretch, full screen back.....anybody know how to help me?


And until I find a new layout that I really like, my blog might appear different every time you look at it. Sorry. But hang in there with me. I'm also starting a new blog to go along with my new, almost up and running business website. But that has lots of work before I get any posts going. And finally, I'll likely be adding a few new pages to this blog...including a page of my traditional handmade books for sale.

Oh, and I should probably recognize that today is the 4th of July! Happy Independence Day America! Sometimes I have a feeling that we might end up having two independence days like they do in Lithuania...and that worries me a bit. However, today I am sincerely grateful for this grand country I call home, for the freedoms I enjoy, and for glamorous life I live - all because of thousands of courageous men and women who took on the challenge to change their lives and the history of the world as they knew it.

A Visit from the C-Monster

Yesterday was a beautiful, foggy, kinda chilly day in San Clemente. But luckily it was brightened up significantly by the visit of a dear friend, the C-Monster...aka Chris. His little brother just got home from his mission and so he was out in San Diego picking him up. We spent the day playing at the beach, he even got me to go in the water despite it's frigid temperature. I'm a baby, I know. He didn't believe me when I told him how cold it actually was, not until he got in and was shocked.

That's Chris catching an ok wave...it was a green day, and there were hardly any waves.

After a couple hours of little to no waves, we were cold and called it quits.

Haha...so Chris never smiles normal in pictures, so neither was I - come to find out this is the only picture we have where he is smiling for reals and I'm not. But just you wait for the next picture...it's much more true to character of how it normally goes.

Dorks. 

After the beach, we spent the afternoon playing a mean game of battleship (while watching the classic 80's flick "Top Gun"), which, I'm proud to say I dominated at - I totally sunk all his battleships and rescued my captured soldier before he'd even sunk 3 of my ships!!! All in all, it was a fantastic day, and so good to just spend time with a good friend down here in Cali. I still don't know a lot of people down here, so it was definitely refreshing. Thanks Chris!

My Life is Too Perfect

Yesterday I went for a long walk along this beach. Bliss. That's what I call it.

 I grew up playing on this beach. I spent hours and hours here, digging for sand crabs - sitting right at the water's edge, and waiting for the waves to recede and watching for the crabs' bubbles, then digging furiously to catch them. My family and I buried each other and carved one another into ridiculous sand sculptures, frequently involving mermaids with big shells up top.

 At this beach my Daddy taught me how to boogie board, and more importantly how to duck under the waves without getting totally thrashed. He would take me far out into the big waves, then push me right onto it and I'd ride it all the way to the shore. He'd swim back in and get me and we'd do it all over again.

I spent lazy summer afternoons running back and forth chasing the waves. I built "dribble castles" on my Dad's legs - where you get a big bucket of really wet sand and just take a big scoop in your hand and squeeze it out, over and over until it starts to form a castle. They honestly kinda look just like stalagmites in caves.

This is what they look like. 

I hope that someday in the future, I can spend lazy, perfect summer afternoons with my kids on this beach. What a dream. To top it all off, I came home and ate the most delicious strawberries I have ever eaten in my entire life. I bought them from a little roadside stand the other day. They were grown fresh here in California, and picked ripe from the vine. No middle men. Just delicious strawberries from the field, the way they're actually supposed to taste. Makes me want a big garden of my own someday.

Mouthwatering, huh? Yep, they are. And, so appropriately, as I write this, the song "It's a great day to be alive" by Travis Tritt just came up on my iTunes playlist.

I repeat, BLISS. 

Ok, here it is, in all it's lack of glory....

I know I kept saying that I would post more about my current life situation and how I got here....but it was always later. Well, later has finally arrived - you can let out that deep breath you've been holding in for the past 2 weeks.  ;) 

I don't think anybody should really be overly excited or nervous about all of this - well, actually on second thought, please be really excited for me and supportive - I could use some major support right now, in a good way.

So, a little over 2 months ago, I finally graduated from BYU with my undergraduate degree. It was rather anti-climactic to be completely honest. I worked so hard for so long to do that. My whole life in fact was geared toward working hard, studying hard, getting good grades growing up so that I could go to college, graduate, etc. Well, 2 months ago, I finished all that. I finished the built-in life program of finishing school. 

NOW WHAT? 

I'd been working 3-4 various part-time jobs since graduation...none of them were overly satisfying or amazing pay, though each definitely provided learning opportunities. I got a little gift for graduation from a friend that describes my sentiments about post-grad life perfectly - it is a little pad of personalized post-it notes that says:

"I studied hard and avoided partying in college for this?"

Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt. Welcome to real life, right? Work day in and day out for the rest of your life. After 2 months of the monotony I thought I was doomed to lead a tragic life as the office girl...I mean, literally, I was like Pam on The Office. My days consisted of answering phones, buying groceries and caffeinated drinks for a large group of hungry and thirsty programmers, picking up other people's dry cleaning, and writing emails - lots and lots of emails. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking my jobs by any means. Like I said, I was able to learn a lot during the past 6 months I worked at them, and I am very grateful  to even have multiple jobs.  Many people are struggling to find any work. 

However, I feel like it's really important to be continually progressing and learning and bettering yourself. I finally hit the point where I felt halted, stuck, ie. lack of progression. I was past the point of really learning anything new at my office jobs. Things in my ward weren't super great (not for lack of trying), dating life was miserable, all my best friends were off now doing there own thing too, etc. This sounds like I'm just moping...my life really wasn't bad at all, and I have nothing to complain about really, but I just felt like I was treading water for a long time in the same old muck.

So, after talking with my Dad about it for a while and trying to figure things out - I decided to move to California for a fresh start. A new adventure if you will. Change is good, and hard. Challenges are good, and hard. However, I think about the times in my life that were the most challenging and demanding (like my mission) and those are really the times when I grew the most as a person, when I realized and began to fulfill more of my potential. I needed that push again in my life to grow, to become, to develop. Thus, I decided it was time for a major change in my life. 


I sold my car the day I posted it on craigslist - which is a miracle considering that it was sort of a piece of junk - one man's trash is another man's treasure, right? I quit 3 of my 4 jobs, and kept the one I can do online, from home, or from anywhere else for that matter. I packed up my car, and left for California. 


Now, you  might ask what awaits me in California? Did I have some amazing job lined up? Perhaps a secret boyfriend that I've been dating long distance for too long? Or deeply hidden dreams of becoming a famous actress or singer? Ha. Ha. Ha. Are you kidding me? Um, no. None of the above are possibly true...well, the one about the job is the closest to the truth. But what it really comes down to is just a change. A change of pace. A change of scenery. A change of people and environment. 


Thanks to my incredibly generous parents and their hard work, they're letting me stay in their beautiful condo on the beach, in the little slice-of-heaven beach town known as San Clemente. Oh, and they're letting me drive one of their cars until I buy a new one (by the end of the summer hopefully). I know, you're probably all puking at this point by how cushy and privileged my life is. There is certainly no rational reason that I deserve all of this. It makes no sense. But I'm extremely grateful for it all. Now I need to remember to continue to be grateful as the challenges come along with all the changes.


I'm here now, in beautiful Southern California. South Orange County is a pretty sweet place. The weather is perfect all year. San Clemente is not too crowded...in fact sometimes it's a little too quiet and too small - hello, Walmart closes at 11pm? I often forget that I've lived in a college town for a long time where there are a lot of places open late. Anyway, you get off the freeway and forget that it's there. It's just quiet. I listen to the waves lull me to sleep every night. I wake up to fresh sea air every morning.
It's kind of like Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way.

Are you bored yet? I'm sure you are...this is probably the longest post I've ever written or will ever write. Thanks for your patience. A few final details, because I'm tired of writing. I kept one of my part-time jobs, I write copy/content for low-end websites. It keeps my grammar and writing skills up, pays decent, is totally flexible with hours and location, and keeps me fed. What I'm really working on though is starting my own business down here. You're finally excited, right?!!! Good, you should be.

For those of you who know me really well, especially my family and roommies - you know that I'm sort of OCD when it comes to organization, etc. My closet is organized by color, my DVDs and CDs are alphabetized, etc. I'm starting to work on becoming a CPO (sounds official and important right?), a Certified Professional Organizer. I don't know why I love organizing stuff so much, but I do, and I'm good at it. That's why I was good at my office jobs, I kept a lot of things in order and running smoothly. I guess I just feel more at peace when everything has its place. We are supposed to create a "house of order" right?

Well, that's my business - part of it anyway. O.C.D. Solutions is the name, and Organizing, Cleaning, and Design is the game. Check in the next couple of weeks for my website, www.ocdsolutions.biz , it's not up and running yet, but it will be soon. All I really have left to figure out how to do is go and sell. I'm not sure where to start, especially since I don't know too many people down here. Any suggestions on sales?

That's it. I moved to California. I'm starting a business. I love the singles ward and institute program down here. I live on the beach. I'm learning a lot and getting out of my comfort zone in almost every way.