pride or shame?

i can't believe what ACTUALLY happened today...be prepared to die laughing or be full of pity and shame for me. haha.

so, i've been in the market for a car again, since i'm moving to utah, been doing lots of weddings and plan to do LOTS more, i needed a car to function for that. and my little mazda 3 sport just couldn't do it. so i sold her. the grey goose was sold about 3 weeks ago now. i was researching and shopping all over again before i sold her, but it's taken me a while to really make the best choice in all arenas.

i needed something that was FLAT, had lots of cargo capacity and HEIGHT for all these tall arrangements, still gets decent gas mileage and didn't cost and arm and a leg to drive, maintain, or insure. i looked at trucks with shells, cargo vans, small suvs, minivans, big suvs, sprinter vans, everything i could think of that would meet my needs.

and in the end, the most economical and affordable, most logical, most versatile, but most embarrassing choice won me over.

drumroll please...................

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are you ready to die laughing yet?????

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I am now the proud...wait...will probably be proud and less ashamed once it has a sexy vinyl car wrap on it covered in flowers, bold blossoms logo and contact info....owner of a......

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yes, i'm sure you guessed it or just scrolled right down to the pictures........

yes, yes, yes, I am 26 years old, single, no prospects, and I own a minivan.  here she is.....

i can't really decide yet how i feel. mostly happy to have my own car again, and to not be driving a suburban that gets like 10mpg. and maybe once I make her my own, come up with a name, get to know her personality a bit more, i'll feel more thrilled about it. but right now, i feel lame. haha. but in a good way i guess. 

details:

2003 Mazda MPV

seats 7

back row bench seat fold FLAT into the floor, leaving for TONS of flat, tall cargo space, perfect for loading up with flowers and other such goodies. 

leather interior in immaculate condition

only 1 previous owner, traded it in for a new one of the same model

california driven, no nasty utah winters and salt damage....yet 

automatic sliding doors

power everything

dvd player....ultimate date machine.....throw some pillows and blankets in the back for our own little drive-in movie  :)  (ssshhh, Nila, don't tell president!  ;) wink wink) 

25-27mpg on the freeway, 20 around town

one of the main things i highly dislike about minivans is their shape... among other less desirable qualities like it being the ultimate mom machine, and in utah? hello, what was I thinking. oh well. anyway, i don't like how minivans have rounded rear ends and sloping pointy front ends. but this little gem is really a much more boxy shaped minivan, so I feel ok about it. it also has running boards, which most minivans do not, and makes it look a little bit sleeker. it's also metallic black outside, gray leather interior. not like pale blue or silver or white....which is the color of every other minivan in the world. 

i'll take some real pictures tomorrow when I go to pick her up. be thinking of good names for the world's now coolest, shiny black, company minivan. woot woot!!!!! 

I also figure, I just have to rock it, right? and if anything is my saving grace, it will be the ridiculously sweet vinyl car wrap that I am ordering TOMORROW. 

dating schmating and other fairly silly tales

dating is exhausting. it's so draining. supposidly it's worth it in the long run, but i'm tired. the end.

other fairly silly tales...
i feel like i'm only half way living 2 lives right now - one in california, and one in utah - which also happens to be exhausting.

trying to buy a car - exhausting.

trying to find a job in another state when you don't live there and the economy is in the tank and you can't interview for anything because, oh, you live 2 states over - exhausting. i might stop trying til i actually move to utah.

trying to feel like everything you're doing is actually what you're supposed to be doing, and not letting the little evil devil of self-doubt overtake your once confirmed and enlightened decisions - exhausting.

also, i think it's time i get my thyroid levels checked again, my medication may be off since my doc added an additional med...i've been really tired lately. thyroid imbalance may be contributing to my otherwise exhausting life.

can you tell, i'm basically exhausted....

but really really happy about the big changes happening in my life.

so cheers my friends. i'm pretty sure life is always pretty much exhausting. and that's a good thing. if i wasn't tired and working hard at a lot of things, that would be far worse.

"My dear brothers and sisters, don’t get discouraged if you stumble at times. Don’t feel downcast or despair if you don’t feel worthy to be a disciple of Christ at all times. The first step to walking in righteousness is simply to try. We must try to believe. Try to learn of God: read the scriptures; study the words of His latter-day prophets; choose to listen to the Father, and do the things He asks of us. Try and keep on trying until that which seems difficult becomes possible—and that which seems only possible becomes habit and a real part of you."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I climbed these mountains in Peru. The first day, I thought I was going to die. We started our hike out at over 7,000 feet altitude and summited at over 15,000 feet the first day. I was fat and out of shape. I had not trained...I mean really, who just goes to Peru right after winter semester of 16 credits, internship, no workouts, and thinks they're gonna be able to hike 50 miles? I was carrying a 20 pound pack. I repeat, I thought I was going to die, and that even if I did survive the first day, the next 12 would surely be the most miserable of my life. 

I learned a lot of important lessons that day - both spiritual and otherwise. They put my pack on a donkey, I drank lots of water, walked slowly with my Dad next to me the whole time, and guess what? I freaking conquered those mountains - ONE. STEP. AT. A. TIME. 

I think others on the trip secretly thought I wasn't going to make it and wondered why I was even there trying. I doubted myself every morning I woke up and thought about the next 10 grueling hours. But guess what happened? Every single day that I got up on that stupid, beautiful, untouched by white-men mountain, put on my hiking boots and took a step forward, I CONQUERED. 

There is a lot to say about that trip 3.5 years ago, but suffice it to say, I CAN CONQUER. I can do hard things. As long as I am putting one step in front of the other, it doesn't really matter how long it takes, how hard it is, how high I have to climb, how much my lungs hurt or how I can't sleep because of lack of oxygen while camping at 15,000 feet high...I'm moving forward. I don't always know where the trail will take me, and sometimes, as President Uchtdorf said, we do stumble, but as long as we keep trying, as long as we persist at taking one step at a time, that which is difficult becomes possible. 

And I think that's really just the story and lesson of life. Learning such principles over and over and over prepare us for our true and greater potential in God's plan. But why do we forget that when the task ahead seems too difficult or scary? Why do we stumble sometimes when we look at the insurmountable mountain? Why does God have to constantly hit us over the head with sledge hammer to get us to remember things? Silly silly mortals we are. Good thing He loves us, and keeps walking with us every step of the way, just like my Dad did for 12 days in Peru. 

Eventually, we make it. 

a dark sunday afternoon

ok friends, so I know it's been ages since I last blogged - life get's busy, ya know. sorry for my slacking in the blogging department.

right now, it's 5:09 pm on sunday afternoon, and it's almost dark outside already. what a shame. winter is here. the mountains are covered in snow, and our cars were covered in ice this morning. yes, it's true, i'm in utah and winter is here. good thing i'm flying back to california on tuesday. i know i'm crazy for moving to utah on the cusp of winter, but in reality, i won't be in utah too much until the beginning of the year. so realistically, i only have to survive january - march of coldness...then the sporadic snowstorms thru, oh, probably June. haha. 

the last few weeks have been insanely busy. getting ready to move. cleaning out my apartment. dejunking my life. working like a maniac. selling my car. looking for a bigger car so i can do wedding deliveries (and let me tell you what...I just did a wedding this past weekend, and could barely pull it off in my Mom's nissan armada, which is a huge car. this could mean trouble in the car shopping department). actually driving and moving all my stuff to utah. living out of boxes. doing flowers for a wedding. planning another wedding in utah on november 26th. trying to figure out school stuff, ie. if I'm actually going to start taking grad school pre-reqs or not come january. where to live. find a part-time job to pay the freaking bills. ya know, just life. 

no updates on the magical first date guy from conference weekend. haven't seen or talked to him since I got back to utah. supposidly he has the flu. who knows. i've also been spending a lot of time talking to this other guy I met online (surprisingly, they're not ALL crazy, even though there are plenty of the crazies out there). he seems to be pretty fantastic. too bad he lives in new mexico. but, he's probably flying to california for a weekend here pretty soon, ie. before i move to utah. so that is potentially kind of a big deal. wowzers. 

i don't really have too much else to report. it's been a whirlwind. i definitely have plenty of emotions about everything thats happening in my life right now, but just not much to say about them all. change is good. change is hard. i can do it. all that's left to say is this: 

"Faith is not knowing what the future holds, it's knowing who holds the future."

I believe in that, whole-heartedly. Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. 

incredible

it's absolutely amazing to me how 2 people, who both have similar and strong faith in Christ, can understand so drastically different the exact same words. no wonder the dark ages and apostasy happened. i recently posted a link on facebook to Elder Holland's talk from October General Conference and a Christian friend of mine responded to it. we work in the same office building and have had interesting but minimal conversations about religion. he posted in response and shared a broadcast of a sermon on a biblical understanding of the trinity. out of interest and friendship I just sat and listened to the entire one hour sermon, looking up the scriptural references as it went along to try and truly understand their point of view and perspective. what was crazy though, was that every scripture they read, and every point they asserted, was that the trinity is 3 separate beings, but still one God. but then they claimed that Mormonisms view on all of it is that we believe in them as 3 separate Gods. If  you read carefully Elder Holland's talk, which was the link I shared, it's quite difficult to misunderstand or misconstrue what he says we believe about the Godhead.

like I said, it's no wonder the apostasy happened, and that people are still so lost in darkness. I just wish that people would be open minded enough, especially when you have a good relationship with someone, to be willing to discuss it all without being super defensive and critical. The pastor in the sermon I listened to was quite educated and made several valid points, referencing passages that I was not extremely familiar with, but that still asserted clearly that the Godhead is 3 distinct beings, but still one God. It was enlightening. Sad that my friend though would still disagree with me on all of it. All the attention that the Church is getting in the media right now too I feel has skewed his perception of us, in a negative way. Which makes me sad. He has so much faith in Christ, and is most certainly a Christian in belief and actions, but so blatantly unwilling to learn more of Christ if it's outside his preconceived notions or just because of what he's heard. Sad. It makes my heart hurt. It hurts the way it hurt so deeply every single day as a missionary. It hurts that way it hurts when I see my family or friends make poor decisions or doubt or struggle. Maybe that's charity? God's love for them right?

bold blossoms

check out the new floral design blog at:

boldblossoms.blogspot.com

and in case you haven't hopped on over yet, check out the site at:

boldblossoms.com

Thanks friends!

loved loved loved the insanity of this past weekend

a quick post, but if I don't do it now, Monday will come and then Friday will be gone before I know it, and I won't ever write about it. i have a feeling this might turn into a much more personal post than I planned 30 seconds ago, but it might just all spill out as I continue typing.

the rundown:
Thursday 12pm, leave for Utah.
Thursday 11:30pm, arrive in Orem.

Friday 8am, go to red mountain wholesaler. get new biz account set up. order flowers for emily & micah's wedding. Attempt to get Utah driver's license...get screwed by the DMV as always and waste 2 hours of my life.

Friday 12pm, drive to American Fork, pick up Zupas lunch for me and Mom. Go to Mom's middle school in Saratoga Springs, Utah and have the best mommie-daughter lunch date with her awkward fellow teachers. I really admire my Mom for finishing school and sticking through student teaching even though she doesn't want to be a full-time teacher. she's one of my greatest heroes.

Friday 4pm, leave with the family to the BYU game and tailgate party. hottest day ever. i was totally dehydrated the whole time I was in Utah, and I was literally retaining water. My fingers were super swollen and I felt bloated all weekend, and just kept drinking and drinking so much water.

Friday 6-8pm, feel terribly embarrassed for BYU's football team. What sport were they playing? I left at half time to walk to my mission reunion at the wilk.

Friday 8pm, attend mission reunion and feel super lame and awkward and old. nobody from my time was there, except the Watterson's of course, which is really why I wanted to go in the first place. I sure miss Nila Watterson in my regular life. I need to make it a habit of emailing and calling her much more regularly. My life is so much richer and so blessed because she, and her husband, are a part of it.

Friday 10pm, snuggle time with my siblings on the giant bed with a movie. perfection. bliss. love it. totally all fell asleep during the first half of the movie.

Saturday 10am, watch general conference.

Saturday 12pm, drive to AF for lunch with my bestie Laura. again, bliss. love her. miss her. love her. can't wait to live back in utah and be able to spend time with her. she is literally one of those people that we were instantaneously friends, and God put her directly in my life for so many reasons. what an incredible person and friend. i love her so much.

Saturday 2pm, watch general conference.

Saturday 4pm, try to sell my neighbors my wedding event floral services, unsuccessfully so far. i'll still snag it though, you just watch me. Complete Orem City biz license application and tax forms.

Saturday 5:30pm, fix Diane's computer and head to dinner with the girls...me, mom, diane and jacookie monster. eat ourselves silly at carabbas. amazingly delicious, but I totally should've thought about the fact that I had a date after priesthood session which would be involving food. shopping with the girls. attack at bath and body works, but smelt so good.

Saturday 8:30pm, almost chicken out and not even get in my car to drive to thanksgiving point for a date with a boy that I met online...yes...online. some lds dating website. uber awkward right? i guess desperate times call for desperate measures. we'd been talking everyday for 2 weeks. he lives in slc, so we decided since I was in town, we should meet. i went with little to no expectations, but was still uncommonly nervous, and I don't know why. i think i was nervous, because in talking for 2 weeks, I actually really liked this guy so far, and maybe I didn't want to blow it, or I didn't want to be disappointed or a million other things running through my head. but man am I so happy I went. that I didn't bail out on the opportunity. this guy is incredible and we had an amazing time. this deserves a complete post of it's own, which maybe will come soon, because I know that's all you really want is more details on this portion. patience my dears, patience. incredible. which makes me all the more nervous about the whole thing.

Sunday 1:30am, finally go to sleep.

Sunday 8:00am, snuggle and pillow talk time when Mom and Josh crawled into bed with me wanting to hear about my date. so awesome. i love love love love love love love my family so much. there just aren't words. Make yummy pancakes, bacon and hashbrowns for breakfast. yum.

Sunday 10am, watch general conference, try to stay awake. I shouldn't have been out so late with a great man last night. hehehehe.

Sunday 1:30pm, leave for California with my friend Lindsey. drive. drive. drive. and drive some more. longest day of driving ever. it felt like we drove for 3 days straight, when in reality, it was only like 10.5 hours.

Sunday 10:30pm, arrive home in San Clemente. Talk on the phone to the wonderful man mentioned earlier for 40 minutes.

Sunday 11:45pm, blogging about the crazy weekend when all i should be doing is going to bed.

Ok, so I actually ended up leaving out the juicy personal details. maybe I'm not ready to share it all yet. but it was an awesome whirlwind of a weekend. i'm beyond exhausted and going to sleep. more to come soon, hopefully.  :)

Goodnight.