Monday mournings.....yes, not mornings

Today was definitely a case of the Mondays...

I don't want to complain here, but honestly, it's just been kind of a sad, hard week. And I need to let it out somewhere.

On Tuesday, May 18, 2010, Arthur Bruce Neeley passed away from this life, at the young age of 59. Bruce is my little Neeley-chka's dad. Megs and I served together in the Baltics, and I've been so blessed to be roommates with her the past year and a half. I had the privilege of meeting Bruce just 2 or 3 times, briefly - but this man was truly one of a kind. Megs would always tell me stories about Bruce. I was always in awe of what a good man he was. So loving, so kind, so dedicated and passionate about everything he did. His family was of the utmost importance to him, and so was his faith. I loved hearing stories about Bruce & Linda's mission in San Jose. I've cried a lot this week. Cried for the loss of a good man. Cried for my dearest Megan, and Shannon, and Kristin, Art, Allison, and Linda. Cried because I wish there was something I could do for them. But there is nothing. Loss in this life is inevitable. Pain is inevitable. Grieving is inexplicably important. Experiencing that part of life helps us to grow...but it still sucks.

I cried last night with my girlfriends. I wanted to cry when I woke up this morning, May 24, and there were massive amounts of snow piled on my car, and it was still coming down hard. I cried at Bruce's memorial service before the burial at the Brigham City Cemetery. I cried when I finally got to see Megan for the first time in weeks. I cried when she hugged me, and then sat and with her beautiful smile and unshakable strength and faith told me that she was really at peace with everything that had happened, and that she didn't want me to be worried about her because she really was doing ok.

I wanted to cry when I got back to the funeral home and realized I locked my keys in the car and had to pay a locksmith too much money to get him to open the door. I had lunch with a dear friend in Logan after the burial, and I wanted to cry when I had to say goodbye. This friend has been in my life since 2004, and means the world to me, but I don't get to see this person nearly enough.

I cried today because my little brother has type 1 diabetes....and I wish I could take that away from him. I wish I could suffer so he doesn't have to. I cried today because I'm lonely. I cried today because I've been to a bazillion weddings lately - I want to be loved by someone, who loves me completely, for who I am and what I am, and for what I'm not, and for what I may become.

Basically, I cried a lot today. I've been an emotional basket-case this weekend. But tomorrow is a new day....and hopefully it's not snowing again when I wake up, because if it is, I'll likely crawl back into bed and shirk all adult responsibilities until mother nature decides to calm down and be agreeable again.

Sorry this wasn't the most upbeat post. It was mostly for myself, to just get it out and move on. Sometimes we just have those days, right?

Death is sad. Grief is real and good for us. God is keenly aware of me, and my life - and of each one of His children. Sometimes it snows really really hard in May, then the next day it's supposed to be 75 degrees. Sometimes, there are people that you love dearly, and don't know how to express it. All part of the beautiful process called life.